A lot of times we see damaged adults, damaged 40 something-year-olds, and you wonder, “who hurt you?”
Many issues children have that we assume will change with age or “maturity” ends up staying with them well into adulthood.
One of such issues is self-esteem.
A simple definition of self-esteem is confidence in one’s worth or abilities.
Healthy Self-esteem is not something you’re just born with. It’s sort of like a gift and takes special skills to develop.
Most human beings develop their sense of worth as children from how they believe others perceive them. If a child is constantly being told, “you’re bad at this, you’re a naughty girl, you talk too much” how do you think they will perceive themselves?
It’s important to identify the root cause of self-esteem issues and root them out.
I’ve compiled a few things we do unconsciously that contribute to unhealthy self-esteem in our children and things we need to start doing to ensure healthy self-esteem.
Projecting insecurities
It is extremely important that, as parents, we don’t project our personal insecurities on our children. For example, if your child is constantly hearing “I hate the colour of my skin” from a parent, and they happen to inherit that parent features, why would they believe you when you tell them they are beautiful?
Words of affirmation
Be careful with the words you use to and around your child.
Shower them with positive words of affirmation,
- Do you know your eyes are so pretty?
- You are such a smart girl.
- Wow! You did so well today.
- You were so kind to that Lady
There should be a healthy balance between encouraging and over-praising your child. When you over-praise your child concerning something, they need to put more effort in, you face the risk of letting them settle in mediocrity, let them know their effort was good, but with a little more effort they could be great.
Say no to comparison.
As adults, we hear this saying a lot “comparison is the thief of joy” why would you want to project that on your child? There is absolutely no reason you should be comparing your child to their siblings or a friend’s child. This contributes heavily to lowering a child’s self-esteem.
Trying new things
As children grow, their self-esteem either increases or decreases, they try out new things and learn. All this contributes to how their perception of themselves is formed.
Let them know it’s okay to try and fail and try again. They don’t have to be perfect the first time they try something new. You see a lot of teenagers and adults terrified of trying something new because they are afraid, they won’t be perfect at it.
It’s important to let your child know from when they are little that trying and failing is better than not trying at all
You have a voice
It’s important to let your child make their own choice concerning certain things. It makes them feel important and let them know they have a voice and that you trust their judgement, which contributes to healthy self-esteem.
When children have healthy self-esteem, they feel good about themselves.
Every child is different. Everyone says you have to love all your children equally, but loving them equally doesn’t mean treating them exactly the same. Yes, treat them all with love and kindness. Since Children have different personalities, most of the time they also need different things, for example healthy self-esteem comes easier for some children than for others.
The media already projects heavily its version of what beauty and success looks like to our children. 25 years ago, the beauty standard was a size four figure with a toned stomach, now it’s a lighter skin tones that are being projected. Everyone projects the most perfect version of themselves on social media. If you haven’t ensured your child has a healthy self-esteem, everything they see on the media will get to them.